INFIDELITY: THE CONCLUSIONS

Society puts forward bad male role models

There remains a double standard in society. You don't hear of many men being stoned in Iran for adultery. There has always been a higher premium for women. For men there is an element of kudos. We look at it as a heroic thing: successful men can play the field.

Men cheat to ease their own insecurities

There's a tendency to cheat when there is emotional pressure. When you find that you can't face the pregnancy or when you're losing your job. That sort of thing. You see famous sportsmen or wealthy business figures with prestige girlfriends on a daily basis. It makes a lot of other men feel bad, so they seek to validate themselves.

Infidelity is easy in our globalised world

There is still the idea that it doesn't count when it's "on tour". We travel a lot for work these days and in different societies sexual services are supplied on a semi-regular basis.

A youthful mistress offers a temporary escape from mortality

You hit mid-life, you're losing your hair and you feel that you can capture lost youth by being with a younger person who hasn't yet developed that fear of the future. When you're 25 you feel you're going to live for ever. It is so sad when you come to the realisation that no one will ever want to kiss you again.

Adultery means excitement

Most of life is hard work and sometimes we feel we need to be in our own movie. I think it was Annette Lawson who has written books on the topic who said something along those lines, and they ring true. A lot of people say that they would do it again because of the excitement involved.

Often, it happens by accident

Men's default position is that they want to secure as many women as possible. Virility is part of the male psyche. There is a biological drive, to some degree, to reproduce.

Phillip Hodson

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